ACT Exercise: Find the part that says NO!

Find the Part That Says “NO!” — and Be With It

When difficult thoughts, emotions, or bodily sensations show up, our instinct is often to change them. This urge to fix, reduce, or eliminate inner experience is rooted in non-acceptance—a refusal to allow what is already here.

Even practices that look like mindfulness or relaxation can sometimes function as non-acceptance. Imagine having a stomachache and deciding to meditate in order to make it go away. No matter how calmly you breathe or how relaxed you become, if your goal is to fix the stomachache, you are saying NO to your body. You are saying NO to what is. This is non-acceptance disguised as mindfulness.

If this approach works and brings relief, there’s no problem—keep using it. But if your efforts lead to tension, frustration, or a sense of fighting yourself, try the exercise below instead.

The Exercise

1. Settle in. Find a comfortable place to sit. Close your eyes if that feels okay, and take a few slow, gentle breaths.

2. Bring something difficult into awareness. Gently notice a difficult thought, feeling, or bodily sensation. This might be physical pain, a tight chest, sadness, anxiety, or a troubling thought. You’re not trying to intensify it—just allowing it to be noticed.

3. Make contact with kindness. Place your hand on the part of your body where this experience shows up. Now imagine that a close friend is having this same experience. Notice how you might respond to them—not by fixing or reassuring, but simply by being present. You might silently say:“I’m with you. I can’t fix this right now, but you’re not alone.”

   Instead of offering this kindness to a friend, offer it to yourself.

4. Find the part that says “NO.” Notice if there is a part of you that says, “No—this shouldn’t be happening. I refuse to feel this.” This is the part that is struggling against the present moment. While the sensation or emotion itself may be uncomfortable, much of the suffering comes from this inner refusal.

   See if you can get curious about this part. You might picture yourself—perhaps as a younger version—saying NO! to this experience.

5. Be with the part that refuses. In your mind’s eye, gently turn toward this part of yourself. Imagine embracing it and saying:“I’m here with you. I can’t change how you feel right now, but you don’t have to feel it alone. It’s okay to feel this way.”

   Offer unconditional kindness—without trying to reassure, fix, or change anything. Simply be with this part, just as it is.

The Point of the Exercise

The goal here is not to get rid of the tight chest, stomachache, sadness, or worried thoughts. The goal is to make space for the part of you that refuses to feel what you feel—the part that says NO to reality as it is right now.

By meeting this part with kindness rather than force, you loosen the struggle with your inner experience. Over time, this willingness creates more room for presence, flexibility, and vitality—even in the midst of pain, fear, sadness, or uncertainty.

Acceptance doesn’t mean liking what you feel. It means no longer abandoning yourself when difficult feelings show up.